[ENERGETIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪ Ever since I can remember ♪
♪ Ever since this baby spoke ♪
♪ I've been vying for a stint ♪
♪ In the land of mirrors and smoke ♪
♪ You know I love the smell of whiskey ♪
♪ And I hate the taste of gin ♪
♪ But I always feel at home in a ♪
♪ Place that soaked in sin ♪
♪ But I want to leave it ♪
♪ All behind
♪ if I could find me a man ♪
♪ To treat me right
♪ but until then, then, then ♪
♪ I'm gonna do, do, do
♪ is just to hang my head, head head ♪
♪ And cry boo hoo hoo
[SINISTER MUSIC]
♪
[SCREAMING]
Agh, leg me out!
[SCREAMING]
[WHIMPERING]
[SHOUTING IN CHINESE]
I thought I told you two to clean up!
You know how many health codes you are breaking?
Tut!
Tut tut tut!
[SHOUTING IN CHINESE]
[SIGH]
Dad!
There's some vietnamese guy named phat here to see ya.
Uh, yes, uh, bring him in.
Yuki!
Dad, who is this guy?
Mind your business.
But this is the family business!
No, this is my business.
[ROCK MUSIC]
Mister phat phook to see you.
♪
It's phuk.
Phat phuk.
Mister phuk, welcome!
Mm.
I'm so glad you could make it.
So, this is it.
The world famous long pig.
Looks like a shithole.
Oh, but let me assure you.
It is a real gem.
Then why are you selling it?
Selling?
Dad, you can't sell this!
Fuck!
Why you not gmng it to your boy?
Because he is just that.
A boy!
So, I get everything.
The name, the recipes...
everything.
Hm.
Uh, how about the house special?
Oh.
The famous dickey roll?
Complimentary, of course.
Yuki!
I'm sorry, boss.
It was the last one.
And we were closed, so I figured...
you figure nothing!
Dad!
A disgrace!
I am surrounded by incompetence!
Yuki!
I have an idea.
Why don't I cut off her tits and serve them to you on a
platter?
You can eat silicone?
Ha!
Yeah, you can eat...
gah!
Get the hell out of my restaurant before I make you
the house special!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪
Welcome to the long pig.
♪
Yuki.
Mr. tarasov.
Welcome back.
Look at you.
Even more beautiful than I remember.
Mm?
Mm.
Ah!
[LAUGHS]
How was your flight?
Eh, flight was flight.
Food was crap.
But, I am happy to be here.
Well you have nothing to worry about, because the
food here is spectacular.
As you can see, we've made some improvements,
mr. Tarasov.
These are the new tatami rooms, offering our guests
comfort and privacy while dining.
Very nice.
We currently have a three month waiting list.
Just this way to steven's office, please.
Mr. tarasov, here to see you.
Mr. tarasosv!
Welcome back!
Well.
I'm loving what your father has done with the place.
Actually, dad's retired.
I run the restaurant now.
Really?
I've never seen it so busy.
Oh, I know.
It's been hard work, but I've created a
state-of-the-art dining experience.
My innovative method of meat tenderizing combined with my
riveting entertainment make the long pig the newest rave
in dining.
I like to call it...
tendertainment!
We import martial artists to fight our in-house
gladiators, and then after the fight, our guests get to
bid on any body part they choose to dine on.
Hm.
Does that include famous dickey roll?
Well, that dish is a little time sensitive.
Preparation for that one is an ancient chinese secret.
[LAUGHING]
Ancient chinese secret, yes.
Yeah.
So, tell me.
Where is my old friend?
I want to congratulate him on what a wonderful job his
son is doing.
Aha.
He's right over here.
What the fuck?
Hi dad!
An old friend is here to see you!
I'm sorry.
It seems like retirement has closed him off to the world.
[GONG SOUNDS]
Ahh, the next fight!
This local sensei just joined us.
I hear he's a real master of the art.
Allow my hostess to escort you to your tatami room.
Mm.
Oh, and mr. Tarsaov, please do stay for dessert.
I've prepared something extra special for you.
Complimentary, of course.
Very nice.
[SLEAZY LOUNGE MUSIC]
♪
Not now, yuki?
Mmm.
All work and no play make makes the cat go astray.
I said, not now.
Come on baby.
Hey!
I'm trying to run a business.
It's a big night, okay?
I've got lots of guests to attend to.
[PURRING]
Okay, fine.
After the dinner rush.
[GIGGLES]
You have a meeting with the bookie tonight.
After!
I promise.
[SINGING SOFTLY]
What does a girl have to do to get laid around here?
Sheila!
What have you done with my daughter?
I'm going to kill you?
You hear me?
I'm going to kill you all!
Dad, I'm here!
Dad! Behind you!
Cocktail while you wait?
[WHIMPERING]
[GROANING]
You win.
It's over.
You win!
[GROANING]
[ROARING]
[CAR ALARM WAILING]
[SCREAMING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Cut!
[CAMERA BEEPS]
Jenna, you alright?
Yeah.
Yo, damn girl.
My bad.
I thought you was going to duck.
You okay baby?
I can take a hit.
Nash...
you need to control your kicks, asshole?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Chill out, chill out, chill out!
It was an accident, man.
You'd better be more careful next time.
Yeah, whatever hair.
Hey! - What'd you say?
Huh?
Hey!
Thanks for your concern, ladies, but I think we've got it.
Let's go cut this fight.
Yeah, she's right.
Let's get sensei's approval and get thing uploaded, alright?
We'll edit out the part of you kicking his daughter in the face.
It was an accident, man.
Babe, can you tell your girlfriend we want the footage?
Lay off, alright?
We were really on today.
This should get us our million hits.
I have to go.
Look, nash is nash.
Don't let him get to you.
He's kind overprotective, but he's got a really good heart.
He's an ass.
You're right, he's an ass, but you're my best friend,
so can we squash this please?
Alright. Squashed.
I do have to get going. Midterms.
Well, we need you to edit the promo piece to show my dad!
One hour.
That's all you get.
Dad?
Sheila?
Isn't there supposed to be a class tonight?
Yeah, there should be.
Dad?
Sheila?
What the...
I'm going to call home, can you try sheila?
Okay.
Hey sheila, it's pete.
We're at the dojo and wondering where you are.
Could you please give me or jenna a call?
Hey!
This must be the women's self defense class.
Yo, where's everybody?
Dunno.
That's what we're trying to figure out.
There's no answer.
I got a bad feeling.
Let's swing by the house.
I'll take you, honey.
Okay, call me if you hear anything, okay?
I'm worried, nash.
Why don't we look at that footage, man?
You guys go ahead.
Oho.
I got a better idea.
They're kind of tight.
Good, they should be.
Alright, the first thing you need to know about being
tough is you just gotta act it.
Be it.
Live it.
Brothers need to know how to survive.
Out there, there's no rules.
Motherfuckers ready to cap your ass, then say good morning.
Yo that's how it is in the streets of the wild west.
Everybody packing, out for themselves.
Survival of the fittest, baby.
Bla!
Mm.
Mm!
I hope you saved room for dessert.
Ooh.
[LAUGHS]
Yuki!
A gift from us to you.
Very thoughtful, yuki.
Enjoy.
I will.
Well, look at you.
The bookie's here early.
You know what that means.
Bring him in.
Get in there!
Hello stevie.
How are ya?
You're early.
Care for a bite?
Are you kidding me?
I'd rather eat the ass of a donkey, wouldn't I?
Now shall we get down to business?
How was mister karate master?
Well, baphomet made quick work of him.
I'm very disappointed, actually.
You were supposed to bring me the young one!
Hang on.
I got you his master and that young little tart.
Now, I figured that would make for a pretty good
fight, you know?
Him being a master and all.
But nevermind that.
Let's move on because I have found the guy you're looking for.
A real stud.
His name is nash.
[LAUGHING]
A fighting machine with a perfect record.
11-0.
And bonus?
He too comes with a sweet juicy tart.
Dad!
This doesn't make any sense.
Don't worry.
He probably went to a movie or something.
They wouldn't have cancelled the class for a movie.
They would've called.
They always call.
Hey, your dad is the toughest guy I know.
I'm sure he's fine.
Well it still doesn't feel right.
Mm, this feels right.
Nash.
Come on.
You're still my girl.
This is serious.
[MELLOW GUITAR MUSIC]
♪
Stop it.
Don't.
[LAUGHS] - Stop!
No.
[THUD]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[SCREAMING]
[GONG SOUNDS]
Yo!
Somebody oreder chinese?
Who's nash?
He ain't here.
Who's asking?
None of your business!
He my boy.
That makes it my business, bitch.
Oh!
We got a tough guy here.
So so tough.
Just like chuck norris.
He not so tough now.
Hey, are you the guys that took our sensei, you pussy?
[MOCKING CARLOS]
Doggy lose his master?
[BARKING]
[LAUGHING]
Ha!
Where'd you take our sensei?
I take your sensei to the same place I take you.
You, you, fat fuck, chinese fuck, white, fuck, dicky
black, and black fuck.
We take you all!
Bring it on, hong kong!
Okay, jean claude black-damme.
You bring it on.
Wa!
[SHOUTING]
Let's dance, motherfucker!
Get them all!
[SHOUTING]
[SCREAMING]
I thought you chinese were supposed...
[SCREAMING]
Yeah!
What the fuck?
Get him!
Ming! Xing!
Go!
[SHOUTING]
Go go! Get out of here!
Go! Now!
Motherfucker!
Go!
Pete! Pete!
Fuck you!
Hey, come on, I like that.
Fuck you, fuck you extra sp...
huh?
Yeah.
What up now, punk?
Where are they taking him?
Agh!
You better start talking.
Last chance.
I said fuck y...
fucking bullshit!
Hey, is this some kind of fight club?
Alright!
Actually, steven sir, I'd like to chat with you about
a business proposition that I think you might be
interested in.
What is it?
There's someone in town that would like to meet you.
A crimelord from the britons named dragonfly.
And why would I want to meet a dragonfly?
Apparently, he owns a restaurant that serves the
same kind of stuff.
Interesting.
I thought we were exclusive.
Tell me more.
They say that when he was young, his parents tried to
commit him.
Now naturally, he didn't take a liking to that idea,
so he proceeded to kill them and eat them in a week.
Sounds like my kind of guy.
If that's your thing.
Shit!
[GROWLING]
[GRUNTING]
Not looking so good for you.
Maybe your guys were a little too rough bringing him in.
The doctor's here.
Good.
Tell him his patient's almost ready.
Who's this doctor?
Well, I like to think of him as alternative programming.
Ah, always thinking of new ideas, eh boss?
Don't call me boss.
Now are you done crawling up my ass?
Yes boss...
sir.
Just leave, please.
Of course b...
should I set up the dinner with the dragonfly?
Very well.
Now?
Later.
[HEAVY ROCK MUSIC]
♪
What the fuck?
Maybe we should call the cops?
Yeah, a nigger, a spic, with a chink tied up in the back
of a van.
I'll dial.
Who calls cops anyways, man?
The fuck we really gonna do?
I got an idea.
♪ When I see the standard in our eyes ♪
♪ And we've been digging it out from the start of our lives ♪
♪ Well I try to hold back the feelings that I know ♪
♪ I take another deep breath as I wait my turn to go ♪
♪ And all the time through my heart, the parade's within our minds ♪
♪ It's such a real that's not shakes all mankind ♪
♪ So we apologize to this world for coming to ♪
♪ And all the aches and breaks and shakes are promises into ♪
♪ So the cold black that seems just what I'd do ♪
♪ Is a crooked map that leads me to... ♪
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
Who's there?
Sheila!
Oh my god!
What did they do to you?
No!
Okay, so what now.
We just waltz in there and start busting some heads?
Brian, you go through the front.
By myself?
Triad said it was a restaurant.
You never had a problem getting in a restaurant.
Oh my god, are you making fun of my weight dude?
I'm just saying, you find a way in.
What if the password doesn't work?
Then you come back to the van and we give our friend
here some more shock therapy.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
[IN UNISON] shut up.
What are you two going to do?
Sneak through the back and bust some heads.
Wow bruce leroy, that's a real plan.
You got a better idea taco bell?
'Cause I'm listening.
Yo, you trying to say that 'cause I'm spanish dog?
Cause if you are that's some real racist shit dog, and
I'm not feeling that shit.
Okay, enough. Look.
I will take the front just to get away from you two.
Cool, let's do it.
Wait, wait.
Look.
If shit goes down in there, I want you two to know that
I'll be the first booking it out of there, okay?
I am not going to die a virgin, alright?
I'm just not going to do it.
Hey lao!
You lost, boy?
No, I'm, I'm here for dinner.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I heard this is the best restaurant in town and...
as you can see I love to eat.
Who told you this was a restaurant.
It's word on the street man.
You know?
No, I don't know.
Oh fuck, come on dude!
Password.
You are what you eat.
Why didn't you say so in the first place.
Ho ho.
You never asked.
[LAUGHING]
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC]
♪
This place is pretty pimp.
Woah!
Welcome to the long pig.
What name is your reservation under?
Uh...
alphonso!
Hey man!
[LAUGHS]
Eh, it's not alphonso.
Your name?
Taka... mura?
Hiro takamura?
Hai!
This way.
Teriyaki!
♪
This place is locked down, dude.
Yeah, but it's a restaurant.
Somebody's gotta come out and throw away the trash or
have a cigarette or something, right?
Is that where dad is?
Sheila, do you know where dad is?
Pete?
Hi sugar tits!
What the fuck?
Don't you touch her!
Hmm.
Don't worry honey.
You'll feel better soon.
Please, just take me.
Leave her alone.
Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, but your sister has an
appointment with the doctor.
[LAUGHING]
You psycho bitch!
Be patient.
You'll get your turn.
W-where... where's my dad?
Oh, your dad.
He's right here.
[GASP]
[LAUGHING]
Ugh!
[COUGHING]
Looks like your boyfriend's doing well.
Nash...
I can't wait to taste him.
Mm.
I think I'll have you with a green papaya, sweet bell
pepper, in a coconut sautee sauce.
Mm!
Delish!
[LAUGHING]
Sheila!
[GRUNTING]
[FARTING]
[COUGHING]
[QUIETLY SCREAMING]
My hand!
This dude just shit on me, you pussy. Let's go!
[SHOUTS]
Is this your first time here?
No.
This is my favorite place.
Would you like to place a bid on the next round?
A bid? Uh, no, no.
I uh... i'm not much of a gambler, no.
Okay, what will it be.
Yeah, I'll have...
what, whatever the house special is.
I'll have the house special.
My favorite dish.
Great choice.
Thank you.
[ROARS]
[GURGLING]
[SCREAMING]
Nash!
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
Jenna?
Pete!
What happened?
It's okay.
[CRYING]
Yo, what place are we hitting right now dog?
Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing right now?
Now I'm going to kill these motherfuckers man.
Remember what sensei taught us, alright?
A true warrior is a master of his emotions. Alright?
Just chill the fuck out and remember that.
You're gonna get your revenge, alright black norris?
Come on.
What you...
fuck.
What are you doing, dog?
You buggin'?
They may have taken his life, but they'll never take his honor.
Come on, man.
Shit.
Do you need something?
No, I was just, just um...
your dinner is ready.
Please sit.
Oh, great.
Our famous house special, the dickey roll.
This is great, thanks.
Enjoy.
Okay.
[SNIFFS]
Huh, smells good.
Mmm.
I think I've had this before.
Oh, it's pretty good.
Really good.
You know, I'd finish you off if I were hungrier, but I
have people counting on me, so...
I'm gonna get me some answers.
Yo dog, you're gonna get yourself on camera.
Sooner or later, shit's going down.
Might as well be sooner.
Watch my back.
I got you.
[GRUNTS]
Where's the sensei's daughter?
Hey talk to me motherfucker, or it's big trouble in
little china.
Tyrone!
Ain't that a butthole.
Oh!
Oh, bitch!
Who are these crazy people?
What do they want from us?
I don't know, but if we don't get out of here,
they're going to kill us.
Jenna, I'm really sorry about your dad.
When I was a little girl, after my mom died, I...
I had trouble sleeping at night.
So my dad got me this...
this crystal ball of the solar system that lit up
when I shook it.
And he told me if I was ever scared, that I could just
find her in the stars.
And...
no matter where I went, she was watching over me.
I hope they're together now.
Aw, isn't that sweet.
What do you guys want from us?
Shut up, little man.
Okay, sweetheart.
It's time for dinner.
And don't make this harder than it has to be.
Don't you fucking touch her, you slut.
Slut?
There's no need for namecalling.
Oh!
Okay, take her.
No, please.
Take me.
[COUGHING]
Why would I do that?
There's barely any meat on your bones.
Oh, fuck you slut.
What was that?
I said fuck you, slut!
[LAUGHING]
I guess chivalry is not dead.
Take him.
Pete!
Ahh!
Your hair is so soft!
What kind of conditioner do you use?
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC]
♪
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
♪
♪ Baddest motherfucker that the world's ever seen ♪
♪ On the day I was born, the devil told me that I'd be the baddest ever born ♪
Mister dragonfly!
Welcome, it's a pleasure to finally meet you.
♪ Even hotter I would get like a human cigarette, burning everything I met ♪
♪ I let the devil tell me something ♪
♪ He told me "never sell out, move the crowd and keep 'em bumpin" ♪
♪ The rhyme was cold as could be, I must've learned ♪
♪ A little something cause he sold his soul to me ♪
Madame dragonfly.
Madam dragonfly?
Thank you charles, but I'll be dining alone this evening.
Holy shit, you're a woman.
A beautiful woman!
Ugh!
I didn't hire you to insult me, monsieur.
I just thought...
don't think.
Just do.
Get me that recipe.
Yes ma'am.
I mean, madam.
Now go.
♪
♪ Who's bad?
Now you know why there are lesbians.
Hello, uh, steven.
Excuse me, steven.
What is it?
Um, remember that client I was telling you about from london?
The dragonfly?
It turns out the dragonfly, um, is actually madam dragonfly.
Are you telling me that you haven't even met this
person, and you bring her into my restaurant?
What if she's a cop?
She's not.
No, I swear.
I swear she's not.
Honest. Look, look, listen, listen.
The dragonfly has a reputation, and I would
imagine that she keeps her gender under wraps, so that
she can, you know, intimidate people.
One more mistake like this and baphomet will have you
for lunch.
Doesn't she know that fur's dead?
[LAUGHING]
She's not very bright.
Nah, she...
what are you still doing here?
Right.
Of course.
Would it kill you to take a shower?
Madam dragonfly.
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Your reputation precedes you.
The pleasure is all mine, as I've heard much about you as
well, darling.
Isn't your hostess going to take my coat?
I didn't come here to make company with the help.
Of course you didn't.
Please, come.
Sit.
We have much to talk about.
Come on...
where are you?
[FUNK MUSIC]
♪
Holy shit!
Oh, I'm sorry boss, I...
was just wondering if you happened to know where the
recipe for...
oh!
Holy, what the fuck?
Jesus christ, you scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry dude, I was just uh...
just wondering where the washroom is.
Right around the corner, second door.
The... oh.
Honestly!
Now, where are you...
come on.
If I'm steven, where would I hide you?
I recently had many clientele come through my
establishment speaking of the long pig.
Tell me, why did you really come here?
I heard you killed your father to take over the
restaurant.
And who would've told you that?
Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
You and I have a lot in common.
Tell me about your restaurant.
It's a quaint little setup.
Fine dining, to say the least.
Nestled safely in the heart of london.
Right in the city.
Hm.
What do you serve?
Our specialty is nipple tartare.
You really should come and have a taste.
I'd love to.
Steven?
Yuki.
We're discussing business.
I thought you might be thirsty.
Parched.
Please, excuse yuki.
Good help is so hard to find these days.
Seems like she could use some lessons in etiquette.
♪
Hello phatty.
That's with a p-h, right?
Thought so.
I speak asian.
Anyway, I was wondering if you were, by chance,
preparing a dickey roll any time soon?
Why?
Well, I'd like to sample one, wouldn't I?
Find out what makes it so special?
No white guy in my kitchen.
Right, understood.
Respect that.
Mhmm.
Sure.
I'll just order one for later, shall I?
Kanpai.
So, tell me.
What's the television for.
Ah, I want all my customers to be satisfied at the long
pig, so in addition to fine dining, I offer many forms
of entertainment.
Professional fights, gambling, sexual pleasures.
Really?
Yes.
Sexual pleasures?
Oh yes.
And here is our latest programming.
The doctor's office, where you get an in-depth
understanding of the human anatomy.
For the more intellectual types.
And what about the sex?
Ah, the dessert specials.
And what if I prefer my dessert before dinner?
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪
Holy wow!
I'm sorry, did I scare you?
Uh, no no.
I...
let me help you with that.
Oh!
Oh, you're so tense!
Your hands are so soft?
Yeah?
[GIGGLES] relax.
You need to release that tension.
I can make it all go away.
Y-you can?
Mhmm.
My specialty is full body massage with hot oils.
Oh, I like massages.
I love massages.
Oh, mhmm.
Awesome!
Beggars can't be choosers.
To be honest, I'd put my dickey roll up against your
nipple tartare any day.
[LAUGHING]
And what makes your dickey so special?
Well, the recipe's been in my family for generations.
Mm, I can't wait to taste it.
Tell me, how is it prepared?
[LAUGHING]
You think my family's gotten to where we are by us gmng
our secrets away to strangers?
Ohh, I thought we were friends.
I'll give you a taste.
The marinating room where the house special is
prepared.
Fascinating.
Yeah, what can I say?
Timing is everything.
It looks like your hostess is about to prepare one.
Slut!
You deserve better.
My underwear has more taste than she does.
She doesn't understand you like I do.
Snack time.
Shit!
I guess I'll have to stay for supper.
Look at you.
Juicy...
who are you?
Easy love, easy.
I was kidnapped too.
Honest!
I, I just my escaped my cell, and I was checking for
any others.
They killed my dad and they have my sister.
I have to find her!
Yes, right.
It's alright. Relax!
Why is this locked?
We'll find her.
I promise.
Ahh!
[GRUNTING]
Supper time!
Get the fuck off me!
Oh, easy love!
I'm craving some american pie, and this time you will
be sharing.
Oh...
really love, don't get nasty.
Oh, look at your lips.
But I'm more interested in licking your other lips.
[SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
Lick your own lips, asshole.
Ugh, you fucking bitch!
My face!
My fucking face!
You bitch!
[YELPS]
I'll hurt you!
I will!
You...
yo, let us the fuck out of here!
You're good.
[MANIC LAUGHTER]
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
♪
Two on one.
I pity the fool.
Alright mr. t.
Let's switch this bitch off.
Ow, fucking rock jaw.
That's how I roll!
Ahh, fuck!
Ow!
Tyrone, man!
My fucking leg man!
Carlos!
Okay.
Are you ready?
Holy ugh!
Oh, wow.
Ugh.
That feels so good.
Hm, you like that?
Yeah.
Wait til you see what's next?
[LAUGHS]
Woah, what?
Hmm, now turn over.
Uh, I...
I can't.
I, see...
I'm hard.
You made me hard.
Yeah.
That is the point.
Now roll over.
Okay.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh my.
Sorry.
Don't be.
Go easy.
It's my first time.
[MOANING]
Oh!
I apologize, but I've got to go.
Close your eyes and enjoy.
No, I've got to...
woah ho ho ho, okay, I don't know if this is such a...
oh!
Oh!
[MOANING]
You're really good at that.
[LAUGHING]
[MOANING]
The guys are never going to believe this.
Oh yeah, oh!
You're so beautiful.
Yeah, you like that?
Oh yes.
Oh, oh...
oh...
oh.
You're not like your friends are you.
[MOANING]
What... do... you... mean?
They died fighting.
With balls.
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
[GAGGING]
You bitch!
Ah, beautiful.
Aw, ow!
The fuck?
You bitch.
With a little refinement, you could make me a happy woman.
I'm gonna wipe that smile from your face.
[SHOUTS]
Who's smiling now, motherfucker?
[SCREAMS]
What was that for, woman?
[LAUGHING]
Tyrone!
They got carlos.
I know. I saw it all.
They killed nash and they have pete!
What? You saw pete?
Yes, and sheila too.
They took them away.
You take it.
He would've wanted you to have it.
Let's add some more stripes to it.
Looks like you've already started.
What now?
We wait.
For what?
Brian.
He's our ticket out of here.
Care for the house special, bitch?
I don't eat sushi, dear.
[LAUGHING]
Keep the coat.
I enjoy donating to the underprmleged.
Now move.
You should be ashamed of yourself, wearing the fur of
a defenseless animal.
Speaking of defenseless, your boyfriend didn't give
up much of a fight.
You're so naive.
And stupid, gmng away the family recipe.
Thank you.
Stephen already gave me his house special.
Attached.
[SCREAMING]
[ROARING]
[LAUGHING]
It's time for you to die!
Sheila!
Sheila, what did they do to you?
Time to go.
We've gotta go now.
Now!
This way.
[SCREAMING]
[METAL TONG]
Ah!
Like you're the first one to try that.
[SCREAMING]
It's okay. It's okay.
Go to sleep big guy.
Go to sleep.
Okay.
Bah!
Come on.
Hi honey.
Sorry about the mess.
Madame and I were playing, and it got a little out of hand.
The good news is your family secret's safe.
You fucked him.
Yes, but...
I forgive you.
You did good.
I love you.
And I would have loved you too.
[METALLIC SLASHING NOISE]
If you didn't fall apart so easily.
[SHOUTS]
Jenna!
Wait here.
I'll signal you if I need a hand, alright?
Go ahead.
Make my dinner.
[SHOUTING]
Ahh!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING INCOHERENTLY]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[METALLIC TONG]
[SCREAMING]
[SIZZLING]
That should hold it for a while.
Here, here.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Look at my hand!
No, come on, get out!
Where's my hand, woah, not without my hand!
My hand! Fuck!
Waa!
Now where's your fat friend now, fucker?
Ahh!
Yes, I rock!
I'm gonna fuck you up with one hand behind my back.
Let's do it!
Good morning sunshine!
Julie run!
[MOCKING] julie run!
Where you going?
I, I can change!
I love you!
Where you going?
Nice butt, where you from?
I want to show you my sp... spring roll!
Hoh!
Brian!
Ugh...
[GUNSHOT]
Hey fuckboy, who's fucked now?
Revenge is a bitch, motherfucker.
[SCREAMS]
Ahh!
[MUFFLED SCREAM]
Revenge is a bitch named jenna.
My hand.
Give my hand back.
Give...
come on.
I had such big dreams for this place until you and
your friends ruined everything.
But maybe I could start all over.
You know, remodel.
Get a new suit.
Maybe a new menu.
Maybe an all female menu.
Yeah, dad would like that.
Dad would be proud.
[GASPING]
Dad.
You know my father used to say I was a disgrace to the
family because I never ate human flesh.
I just never had an appetite for it.
Until now.
[SCREAMS]
I've been missing out, all these years!
Stop!
What?
Pete!
Get off of her.
Jenna...
just in time for the main course, huh?
It's over.
Let us go.
Wait, let me think about that.
No.
We're walking out of here, and there's nothing you can
do about it.
That's what you think.
I said, it's over!
Come on pete, let's kick his ass.
Yeah, come on petey.
Come kick my ass.
Come on!
Jenna, no!
Oh, come on.
We can take him together.
Yeah, come on double team me.
Come on, now's our chance. come on.
Let her go!
So sorry, but your friends fucked up my establishment.
You're crazy.
I'm crazy?
[LAUGHING]
I could end her right now.
Or you can come and save her.
Don't you fucking hurt her.
What are you waiting for?
Help me.
Yeah, help her petey.
S-shut up!
Now's your chance.
You could be the real hero!
Stop it.
Come on man, what are you waiting for?
Don't you love her?
Don't you want to have her babies?
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
You never listen to me!
Uh oh!
Pete?
Don't listen to him.
You know him?
No.
N...
I thought I was your friend.
Oh, shit.
There's that f word again.
Every guy hates that word.
Don't you know that I think he wanted a little more, jenna.
Unh.
He's messing with your head.
Really?
Really? Because when I first heard that petey here told my
bookie about a young martial artist, I thought he was
doing me a favor, but my little bro was just looking
out for himself, and wanted your boyfriend out of the way.
No.
We didn't know that you would get so involved, though.
But shit happens, right brother?
How could you?
What, am I gonna have to wipe your ass for the rest of my life?
Get ready to spend a lot of time in the office with dad.
[GUNSHOT]
Christ!
Back the fuck up, fool.
Good to see you, bro.
Is she alright?
What, you've come to give petey a hand?
Pete, you know this dude?
He's the one responsible for this.
Shoot him!
You're the one that killed sensei and my boys, huh?
Maybe.
Agh!
Jenna!
Sheila!
[LAUGHING]
[SQUEAKING NOISES]
Sheila!
Oh brother, I've gotta say, this is like your best work yet!
[LAUGHING]
Okay, would somebody tell me what the fuck is going on?
Paging dr. Pete, paging dr. Pete!
Start talking, now.
Come on, man.
It's me.
What, you're going to listen to this psycho?
I'm your friend!
Now I'm the psycho?
When this kid was eight, he took a gerbil and and he
shoved it...
[GUNSHOTS]
Why?
You put eels inside sheila?
Huh?
I'm gonna end you!
Stop!
He's mine.
You're fucked now.
I love you.
I...
I did this f...
for who?
You killed my dad and skinned nash alive for who?
You tortured and killed my sister for who?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
You don't get to apologize!
He's done!
He's gone.
Let's get out of here before someone else comes out of
the shadows.
Will you hold my hand?
Thank you.
Ain't that what a brother for?
[DRAMATIC HIP HOP MUSIC]
♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ there's nobody to save you when your lights go out ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ and can't nobody hear you scream when you're trapped in my house ♪
♪ I'm evil, evil, evil
♪ I'm evil
♪ yeah
♪ they say food for thought or use your thoughts for food ♪
♪ If you are what you eat, then I'mma soon be you ♪
♪ If dude can scrap, I'm setting up the booby trap ♪
♪ Or get my girl to set you up, where's yuki at ♪
♪ Somebody got to die in order for us to dine ♪
♪ I watching my live flatscreen, primetime ♪
♪ But wait, but wait, welcome to the long pig ♪
♪ This is your fate and you ain't got long kid ♪
♪ Get on the plate baby cakes 'cause you look delicious ♪
♪ Some call it vicious, but I call it business ♪
♪ Fat fucks get chopped up and sauteed ♪
♪ Slapped up and kidnapped in broad day ♪
♪ You can fight for your life in the pit ♪
♪ But at the height of the night there's a price on you, bitch ♪
♪ From boxing to kung fu you come with jiu jitsu ♪
♪ No matter where you run, I'm gonna get you, cause ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ there's nobody to save you when your lights go out ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ can't nobody hear you scream when you trapped in my house ♪
♪ I'm evil, evil, evil
♪ I'm evil
♪ yeah
♪ welcome back, can I take your order ♪
♪ The menu resembles an all-out slaughter ♪
♪ Fatty got a dickey roll, ready to serve ♪
♪ Skinny give you a hand if you say the right words ♪
♪ Yeah, an international feast ♪
♪ People travel the world just to come and get a piece ♪
♪ From elbows to thighs, neck bones to eyes ♪
♪ Wait til you get desert, then you're really surprised ♪
♪ Round here, you gotta fight to survive ♪
♪ There's money on which one of you dies, and one of you dies ♪
♪ Ain't nothing funny 'bout the hunger inside ♪
♪ And I don't hear when none of you cry ♪
♪ Plus, I got customers waiting ♪
♪ And some of them are getting impatient ♪
♪ Get a look at the stuff that I cook in the basement ♪
♪ I wonder if they know what I be making, cause ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ there's nobody to save you when your lights go out ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ can't nobody hear you scream when you trapped in my house ♪
♪ I'm evil, evil, evil
♪ I'm evil
♪ there's nobody to save you when your lights go out ♪
♪ I'm evil
♪ can't nobody hear you scream when you trapped in my house ♪
♪ I'm evil, evil, evil
♪ I'm evil
[SCREAM]
[GASPING]
I'll have that dickey roll now.
[LAUGHS]
[SCREAMS]